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Jealousy over a new baby is not uncommon. The older child can go from having all of your time to being forced to share it with a baby which gets lots of love and attention. They learn quickly that smacking is unacceptable, particularly when you refrain from smacking yourself, and instead speak honestly and firmly to your child. Download Book 1, ‘Being a Parent’, FREE right now!

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PostHeaderIcon Strong-Willed Two-Year Old. Help!

My two-year old daughter is becoming increasingly demanding and strong-willed. I don’t seem to be able to move without her either screaming or hanging onto me all the time. It’s as if she just wants her own way all the time. It’s incredibly frustrating as I can’t get anything done and sometimes I find I’m so tired I lose my temper and shout at her, which I’m always sorry for afterwards.

Have you any suggestions on how to get through this ‘terrible two’s’ phase any easier?

Sandra, Epping, UK

Supernanny’s reply:

Children learn about attachment to their mother, or primary care-giver, at an early age but if for any reason this attachment isn’t secure, such as the child or yourself may have spent some time in hospital, the child can become quite anxious when you leave her or are out of her sight.

While you may find her behaviour a sign of her developing a strong will and ‘trying to get her own way’, she genuinely does feel as if she’s being left alone.

The one thing children of all ages require is attention. If they can’t get good attention, they’ll behave in such a way as to get any attention, good or bad. Pushing her away and getting angry will only make the situation worse.

I would suggest spending as much time with her as possible over the next few days, playing or reading with her and ensuring that you let her know if you have to go into another room so that she is aware and can come with you. At the same time, if you can start to accept and acknowledge her feelings (see Book 2 ‘Feelings’) and speak to her openly and congruently about what you have to do, you will find she will quickly be a happier child. A child’s natural state is happiness and within a week of giving her lots of good attention, you should find a significant change.

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Featured Book
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So what do I do with my feelings? It’s a very good question and this book examines this whole subject and how to feel good about ourselves. Many people don’t feel good about themselves and this stems from being told off as a child for saying how you felt.
Do you ever remember being told, ‘not to make a fuss’, ‘don’t be silly, you’re not hurt at all’ or ‘you’re just tired’? Could you imagine another adult saying something like that to you now? How would you feel? Probably not too good!

A lot of us were told these phrases, and many similar ones, when we were children and assume that it’s alright to repeat them parrot-fashion to our kids. If our feelings are not acknowledged, we can feel disrespected and dishonoured and, in some cases, feel really bad about ourselves. Furthermore, we learn not to trust our feelings, which are vital to our survival in the world.

In Book 2, ‘Feelings’ teaches us that it is alright to express our feelings and children should be encouraged to do so, and as adults, so should we. It’s also a book that gets us to value ourselves and how to do that.

Book 2 – Feelings
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