Bearing in mind everyone has needs which need to be met, it’s important to know whose needs are greater at different times. Sometimes, in an effort to get what we want, others may see our behaviour as unacceptable, but it’s a good idea to look at four factors determining how accepting we are.

If we are feeling tired and irritable, sometimes it doesn’t take much to push our buttons but if everyone is happy, there’s no problem. However as human beings we all have the same needs and behave in ways to get those needs met, which is a normal and healthy situation.

For people who don’t get their needs met, they may resort to more extreme behaviour. While there’s nothing wrong in wanting your needs met but the behaviour can become undesirable or inappropriate and this can be seen negatively.

So it’s more useful to look at the behaviour in terms of whether we find it acceptable of unacceptable. In that way we are not labelling the child or the behaviour but looking at our own needs at the time. ‘Whose problem is it?’ teaches you how to identify who’s needs haven’t been met and how to deal with such situations.